An Orgasm A Day
An orgasm a day……?
We often read in the media about how beneficial orgasms are for us and even how many we should be having each week. In the popular erotic novel, Fifty Shades of Grey, Anastasia orgasms multiple times on losing her virginity through penetrative sex alone, reaches orgasm simultaneously with Christian on a number of occasions and even has 17 in one hour!
So if it is this easy, why do up to 40% of women find it difficult to reach an orgasm and should this be something we are concerned about?
Orgasms and sex do have proven health benefits. Research has shown that orgasms release hormones and chemicals (known as endorphins) that can release tension and stress, help you sleep better (often quite instantaneously for men!) and relieve pain. We know that women who experience more orgasms are less likely to develop coronary heart disease and type-2 diabetes. Orgasms also release a hormone called oxytocin which can act as a sedative, make you feel a bond with your partner and enhance your mood. There is also some evidence that orgasms are good for your immune system.
The problem with novels such as Fifty Shades of Grey (and many erotic films)is that they often misrepresent the reality of sex for most couples. The truth is, for most women to reach an orgasm, they need to have continual, gentle clitoral stimulation. It’s also quite unusual for a man and woman to orgasm simultaneously; to reach an orgasm at exactly the same time requires your partner to have very good control over the timing of his climax and usually for the clitoris to be stimulated at the same time as you are having intercourse. Good communication between you is also a key part.
In Fifty Shades of Grey, Christian says to Anastasia, “Miss Steele, you are not just a pretty face. You’ve had six orgasms so far and all of them belong to me.” Multiple orgasms are possible for many women but the truth is that orgasms are just as much about the woman being able to let go, being able to communicate and having a good understanding and connection with her own body than about the skill of the person doing the stimulating. It should be seen as something you do together rather than something that is done to you.
Reaching orgasm depends on a number of factors but stimulation of the clitoris is often the key. Knowing and understanding your own body’s responses is important so bringing yourself to orgasm through masturbation can help you to reach a climax with your partner. If you understand your own body, it will be easier for you to communicate what you’d like to your partner too. Some women find it easier to reach orgasm if they use a vibrator, either alone or with their partner. Being able to relax and close your mind off to the worries of the day can help you to focus on the sensations in your body rather than the ‘chatter’ in your mind. If you are uptight or stressed then it can be very difficult for you to relax enough for an orgasm to happen. Practising relaxation or having a bath before bed can often help. Performance anxiety can also be a barrier – trying too hard to orgasm and worrying that it won’t happen – will often mean that the big ‘O’ remains elusive.
If you struggle to reach an orgasm, and this bothers you, then seeing a relationship or sex therapist can make all the difference. These professionals help people in loving relationships to gain more from the intimacy they share together.
And while having an orgasm a day may not prevent all trips to the doctor, it’s certainly as good as an apple and a lot more fun….